THINGS THAT HAVE STOPPED ME FEELING SO LONELY

Loneliness is not something that I've been shy to talk about over the past few years. And I think whether we like to admit it or not it's something that we all struggle with from time to time and especially in our 20's when our lives are completely different from what they used to be at school or university. Loneliness is something that is always seen as such an awful somewhat embarrassing thing which makes the whole emotion feel so much worse than it needs to be which makes people even more scared to admit they might feel a little lonely. And I know in the past it's something that I've felt very ashamed of but I know that feeling that way ultimately doesn't change anything and it's down to us to make a difference and here are the things that I've found really to help when it comes to loneliness.

LEARNING TO LOVE YOURSELF

Learning to truly love and appreciate who you are as a person is without a doubt one of the hardest things to do and it's a long journey but it's something that I think is so important. It's something that I've said before on this blog and it's probably somewhat obvious but ultimately people can come and go out of our lives and they never have any obligation to stay. So having a good relationship with who we truly are and enjoying our own company is something that I've found to be an integral part of not feeling so alone in this world. Some people might think spending time on your own and really enjoying it is a little odd but it isn't and hanging out by myself and taking myself on little dates is something I Saviour and really look forward to.

BEING BRAVE ENOUGH TO REACH OUT 

Something I'm still working on is being brave enough to reach out to other people. Because chances are if you feel lonely then other people are feeling lonely too and especially when you're shy it can be so scary to reach out to other people. And there are so many reasons why we feel nervous to reach out but it's very rare that those fears actually come true. Making new friends when you're an adult and even keeping hold of the existing relationships that you have is incredibly difficult and not something I find is spoken about enough. Even if you don't work at home by yourself making long-lasting friendships outside of the workplace is so difficult but it isn't possible. Social media is such an awesome tool for this and it can really break down those barriers. Luckily in 2017 it isn't so frowned upon to meet someone in real life who you've been talking to on the Internet. 

GETTING OUT 

I'm a total homebody there is no denying that but something I do find pretty important when you know loneliness is something you suffer with is getting out of the house. Even if you don't speak to somebody else just being around other human beings is something I've found incredibly helpful. There is an age old saying that you can still be in a crowded room and feel alone and whilst for the most part I believe that. However, there is something comforting about being around other human beings. Places I tend to do this is at the gym or in a coffee shop if I decide to have a day out of the house to work. As I work from home and obviously don't have colleagues [unless you count the dog which I do, to be honest] just being around other living and breathing humans is something that's helped me so much and especially when I feel slightly stir crazy because I've spent far too much time by myself.

READING

Getting lost in a good book isn't something I've properly done in a while if I'm completely honest. But it's something I know is so good especially when I'm either feeling really rubbish or need to lose myself to another world for a little bit. Whilst pod-casts are something I turn to typically when I want to learn something new a good book is what I turn to when I want to be entertained and forget about the real world and become enamored with a fake one. And of course, we all know how awesome reading is for winding down for the day and doing fun that doesn't involve a screen. The only problem is when you get swept up in a really awesome book and end up reading well into the night...we've all been there I'm sure.

Why I put off my hijab! 🌟

For some reason, a lot of men seem to think they can simply force women to observe hijab. Instead, the Quran and Prophet Muhammad are clear: in Islam, us men are not actually allowed to do that at all. The burden of modesty lies with us.
In this Eid, i wore my hijab lastly. So, when everyone saw those pictures on my facebook account trending that week, I got a lot of messages why you put it off. You looked beautiful in hijab. And after all that explanation, I felt compelled to share my thoughts on hijab. What I believe, because it addressed an apparently novel point about hijab that too few people realise.
That is, when addressing hijab, the Quran does not address women first. It addresses men first. That’s not a typo. Islam places the primary responsibility of observing hijab not on women – but on men. It’s critical to understand this point.

People often conflate “hijab” and “headscarf”. Wearing the headscarf is one form of hijab, but men often forget that hijab is much more. And at the genesis of the hijab discussion, the Quran commands men to not stare at women and to not be promiscuous. The Quran 24:31 obliges men to observe modesty: “Say to the believing men that they restrain their eyes and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Surely, Allah is well aware of what they do.”

This verse rebukes forced laws on women that claim “women must cover otherwise men are distracted”. It destroys rape culture because it commands men to reform themselves first and exclusively. It demolishes complaints that what a woman is wearing is “too provocative”, whatever that means, because it flat out forbids men from gawking at women.

In Islam, men have an obligation to God and to women to observe hijab. I imagine a conversation between someone teaching the Quran and a guy as follows:

Teacher: Don’t stare at women.

Guy: But she’s wearing revealing clothing!

Teacher: Why are you staring? Stop.

Guy: But it’s revealing.

Teacher: Why-are-you-staring?

Guy: Uh…

It’s that simple. If a guy chooses to accept Islam, Islam says he must observe hijab. The Prophet Muhammad’s directives further affirm this view. He admonished men, “Be chaste yourselves, and women will be chaste as well,” again putting the primary burden of hijab on men.

This point was again illustrated when the Prophet rode with his companion Al Fadl bin Abbas. A woman described as strikingly beautiful approached the Prophet to seek his guidance on some religious matters. Al Fadl began to stare at her because of her beauty.

Noting this, the Prophet Muhammad did not scold the woman for dressing immodestly or revealing her beauty. Instead, he “reached his hand backwards, catching Al Fadl’s chin, and turned his face to the other side so that he would not gaze at her”. Thus, the Prophet Muhammad once more established that the primary burden to observe hijab rests on men.

This teaching has a subtle but significant point. We’ve all heard guys say, “I want a chaste wife,” yet themselves they’re anything but. To such men I say: don’t be a hypocrite. The Quran keeps us accountable. Only after the Quran thoroughly commands men to observe hijab by being modest, not staring, and reforming ourselves, does the Quran address women.

But here, something strange happens to many men. While wholly missing the primary burden of hijab first placed on them, men suddenly and magically discover the concept of hijab for women. It’s an amazing phenomenon I see all too often in my day job. For some reason, men think they can simply force women to observe hijab. Instead, the Quran and Prophet Muhammad are clear: in Islam, no such permission exists for men to force hijab on women.

As His Holiness, the Khalifa of Islam Mirza Masroor Ahmad, reminds men who force hijab on women: stop and restrain yourselves instead. In a 2014 sermon he admonished men: “Men should remember that they have not been given powers to police others and they should restrain themselves. It is not for them to cover the heads of women from outside. Men are commanded to restrain their eyes, they should fulfil their own obligations. There is not even any commandment to forcibly cover the heads of Muslim women, let alone non-Muslim women. It is men like these who have hardline ideas…”

Hijab is a critically important Islamic teaching. No one denies this. But it seems to me that too many men forget it applies to us first. Let’s stop obsessing over women, and worry about reforming ourselves first. That apparently novel idea is indeed the true jihad and true meaning of hijab.

And finally, here’s another novel idea for those seeking to understand how hijab applies to Muslim women.